I am not perfect, I am a sinner, but my relationship with Jesus inspires me to strive for perfection.

I am from the country of Zambia. I grew up in a Christian family and attended church every Sunday. At church, I got to learn about God’s love for me through all the stories they would teach us, and I most likely compared God’s love to my late father’s love for me, but only on an unimaginably larger scale. Although, I did not necessary have a close relationship with God, I acknowledged his presence in my life. It was like I saw and knew how to do the Christian dance, but I had never really listened to the song of the Gospel of Jesus. There were times when I tried to figure out who God was, and I had painted an image of Jesus as my greatest superhero, because I was a big Marvel movie fan. In some instances, I had put Jesus in a box, and only needed him when I was in trouble.
It was not until 2012 that I started developing a stronger relationship with Jesus. I was in 10th grade, and I had just come home from boarding school, when I noticed a change in my older brother’s life; the way he used to pray, how he presented himself, and how he would spend time reading the word of God just amazed me. Hence, I asked him to show me how I too can develop a relationship with Jesus. He prayed for me, and I accepted Jesus into my life.

However, when I went to the USA for my college education, far away from my family to keep an eye on me, I started trying to find my identity in other things; academics, boys, and school involvement. The aspect of trying to find approval, feeling loved and worthy of attention from boys was my greatest weakness, especially because my father had died when I was only 7 years old. Therefore, I felt that by putting my identity in boys, and using them to fill that void would be me feel complete. However, those moments of pleasure were only short lived. My biggest blow came when I cheated on my boyfriend; I felt like Jesus had completely turned against me, and that I was no longer worthy to be called a child of God. I hadn’t even lived up to my own standard and I had fallen infinitely below God’s standard. Therefore, I indulged myself in guilt, and my relationship with Jesus went south. I did not talk to anyone about what had happened, for fear of them thinking that I was not perfect enough to be a Christian, but I feel like God had somehow whispered to my mentor, Ella Schroeder, about my struggles. So, she lent me a Christian book by Francine Rivers titled Redeeming Love. This book was about Hosea, a book of the Bible, and it’s a love story between God and His chosen people, and how they kept cheating on God, but God kept pursuing them repeatedly, despite their brokenness and ugly sin. Redeeming Love not only showed me that Jesus’s love for me will always be constant, but also that Jesus does not need me to be perfect but my relationship with him should inspire me to want to strive for perfection.

All in all, I have now fully given my life to Jesus, and I trust him completely to take complete control of my life. I may be weak on my own, but I know that Jesus is strong in me, and when I stray from him, I have an amazing Christian community to remind me that Jesus’s love for me is always constant. God loves us in our sin and brokenness, and there’s no way we can earn God’s love or be a “perfect enough” Christian, but in our messiness and our wandering and our sin Jesus died for us and wishes to pursue a relationship with us. I am not perfect, I am a sinner, but my relationship with Jesus is what keeps me going.