When I was 13 months old, I was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). This disorder causes me to be very physically weak because it doesn’t allow my muscles to grow and strengthen, so therefore I am in a wheelchair because I am unable to walk and move around easily. SMA is the number one genetic cause of death for infants, so when my parents first got the diagnosis they were basically told to go home and love me for as long as they could, because there was no guarantee that I would make it to the next day. This disability has shaped my entire life.
Growing up with a disability has been really hard at times. With Dr. Appointments, therapies, and 28 surgeries, I had to go through a lot. I remember wondering why I was different than my siblings or pretty much everyone else around me. Everyone was able to run around and play how they wanted to, but I was stuck in my wheelchair. Sometimes I would imagine what it would be like to do all those things and that would temporarily make me feel better, but it didn’t really answer the question of “Why I was like this?”. I grew up in a Christian family and we always went to church, but it was hard for me to feel connected to Christ because I felt like He didn’t really love me. If He did, He wouldn’t have made me this way. For a few years I struggled with this feeling of resentfulness mixed with helplessness, because I had to rely on so many people for so many things and became upset that I would never get the independence I truly wanted. I contemplated why I wasn’t “normal”, why I couldn’t have the same physical abilities or look the way everyone else did. The explanation I got was scientific, but that wasn’t good enough. After thinking and talking about these questions with others in my Christian community, getting into the Word of God, and praying more, God finally answered my questions through these different avenues. I felt Him telling and showing me that He made me different and special for His special purpose. That He put me in a wheelchair for a reason. This wasn’t bad luck, judgment, or an unloving thing to do, it was actually because He loved me enough to give me this special perspective and purpose in life, for His purpose. I have a really great life, but like everyone eventually experiences, there are bad days too, but I know God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Part of my purpose is to share Christ with others with a different perspective, that others, especially in the disabled community, can relate to. And also, for others to see that people can still live a great life devoted to Christ even though they may have a disability, because we all have a purpose. My disability doesn’t define me, it’s just a part of who I am. But I think it’s also good for people to see and realize how blessed they truly are, and to appreciate what they do have. After digging into these thoughts and questions and finally finding the answers, I decided to give my life to Christ and accept Him as my savior. I know He loves me so much that He died on the cross to save me from my sins, rose three days later, and now sits at the right hand of God. My name is written in the book of life to spend eternity with him, like He wants all of us to do. I got saved and first placed my faith in Jesus when I was eight years old and then was baptized as a symbol of my salvation when I was 11.
After having these questions answered and being saved through His grace, it opened up a whole new perspective and way of life for me. God helped me realize not only His purpose for my life, but all the blessings that came with my disability, like what I have, what I can do, and how I can help others, especially those with a disability, because He made me who and how I am for His reason. God didn’t make me physically strong, but He made me mentally strong. Having a disability is sometimes a blessing in the disguise, it taught me to overcome and persevere through trials and challenges, it has shown me how there is more than one way to accomplish something and if it’s different, that’s okay. He has also shown me that nobody is really normal, and that it’s okay to be unique and different. These life experiences have given me the strength to never give up. Most importantly, teaching me that when things get tough, worrisome, or unknown, I have a God who loves and is always there for me, that understands and knows what I’m going through. I trust His plan and purpose because He knows what’s best for me and Has such a wonderful purpose in store for my life, that I can’t even fully fathom yet! Like it says in Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” In those days when you pray I will listen. You will find me when you seek me if you look for me, in earnest! Christ has helped me see my challenges as blessings, and opportunities for the works of God to be displayed. I now live with more of a love for others and a concern for their eternity. He is currently helping me see what things are actually important in this life. I am not perfect, I sin, and I fall, but God has forgiven me through His grace and love.
I wanted to end this with some things for you to think about. Things that happen in this world whether good or bad happen for a reason, we might not always understand why, but He knows and He has a plan and as hard as that is to trust in Him at all times, He loves us and wants the best for us. Our time on this earth is very short and eternity is a very long time. God is giving you the chance on this earth to find and accept him, don’t waste or take it for granted, because no day is a guarantee. My question to you is do you know where you’re going? Because you never know when you’re going to go. The God of the universe loves you more than you could ever imagine, and He wants you to be with Him in heaven, but He also gave us a free will to choose. What will you choose?