Chasing –> Pursued
Growing up going to church with my family, I could spit doctrine and verbalize a belief in Jesus, but I only lived it out when it was convenient for me. I talked about it when I was a captain of Fellowship of Christian Athletes, in church youth group, or with my mom when I had a tough day, but not with my doubles partner in tennis or my coworkers. I had incredible friends and family, but craved a romantic relationship. I deeply desired to have a boyfriend who was enamored with me, and thought I was beautiful. I had a new crush every other week, and was constantly chasing after the affections of men. I would meet a new guy, fall fast, only to watch him like another girl, and leave me feeling rejected and unworthy.
I came to college believing I could have my cake, and eat it too. I knew I needed Jesus, but I also wanted popularity, acceptance, and a romantic relationship to validate my worth. After a first semester spent dipping my toes in the party scene, dabbling in seemingly ‘harmless’ physical intimacy with guys from my past, and deeply hurting after moments when the people that were supposed to be friends had left me a crying, drunk mess when I found out my aunt died; I was absolutely devastated. I felt used, and rejected more than I ever had in my life.
A few weeks later at a winter conference with Cru, God reached down, and drew me near. He spoke to my weary heart, and revealed Himself to me. The affirmation, depth of affection, and love I was so desperately searching for in a boyfriend, and people’s approval, was met in His love. It was met in His gift of Jesus, and the words of the Bible. The truth of God fully knowing and yet fully loving me rocked my world. I still desire marriage, deep friendships, and love, but I can now (imperfectly, but with grace), live out of the abundance of God’s love for me, instead of living from a deficiency and need for that love to come from people around me. The greatest and most undeserving gift of my life will forever be that of God pursuing and choosing to fully embrace me as His.
What do you think?
If this story has encouraged you to place your faith in Jesus as your Savior and your Lord, you can do so right now, or anytime you are ready, by sincerely expressing a simple prayer to Him. Prayer is simply talking with God. The exact words are not as important as the attitude of your heart. Here is a suggested prayer:“Lord Jesus, I need you. Thank you for dying on the cross to pay for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive you as my Savior and Lord. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Start making me the kind of person you want me to be.”