During my childhood, I was angry and doubted God’s goodness. To others my life was really great. I had loving parents, lots of friends, a bubbly personality, good grades, and I always kept myself busy with sports and clubs. But behind closed doors, I struggled with depression and OCD that affected my daily life starting at the age of seven. I remember yelling and questioning God why He made me this way. I didn’t see any purpose for it, and therefore felt that being dead would have been better than struggling. I was shameful and didn’t accept that part of who I was.

In high school, God placed many individuals in my life that brought me to youth groups and mission trips. I loved the community and felt connected to God, yet I continued to question His goodness in times of struggle. It was in college that God captured my heart and I chose to put my full trust in Him. In a bible study, I read 2 Corinthians 12, which spoke of Paul’s thorn. Paul was desperately pleading for God to remove the thorn in his side, but God assured Paul that His power is made perfect in weakness and there was a purpose for his thorn. As I read this passage, I felt as if God was speaking directly to me… I was one pleading and questioning.

Through my experiences in college, God revealed His ultimate purpose for my thorn. I loved to volunteer with UW’s adapted fitness program, attend muscular dystrophy camps, and work with individuals with various disabilities. My ultimate goal was to encourage them to live their lives to the fullest physically, emotionally, and socially. I wanted to help them regain independence and ultimately accept who they are as a person. I was preaching something I needed to learn. I needed to accept myself exactly as God created me.

Today, I stand in full acceptance of who I am in Christ and that His creation of me was without flaw. The biggest way God has revealed the purpose for my thorn is in my pursuit of a degree in occupational therapy, a career that helps individuals accept and regain independence in injury, disability or mental illness. God’s relentless pursuit of me during my doubt has shown me how deep His love is for us. All I can do is continue to follow where He is leading me and continue to give Him all the glory through this journey.