I was very introverted and shy as a kid, but still never really sought out deep friendships. I would be very irritable and angry with people most of the time, and never really showed any love at all. In high school this resulted in focusing more on academics and hobbies than anything else. However, I would still always seem to care what people thought of me, and performance in academics wasn’t for anyone’s show but my own. I was fortunate enough as a kid to have grown up in a house where going to church on Sundays was a regular thing and I was taught all the Bible stories and that Jesus loves me. I even got confirmed in my local church in middle school. However, I never really knew God and why Jesus had to come and die for us. I thought praying was only done before meals and God loved you more, the more you attended church.

Later in my junior year of high school I got involved in the youth ministry at a different church and met a great youth pastor. It was at youth group that I learned more of the relational aspect of what it meant to be a Christian. I learned how to pray more relationally and intentionally, so I decided to go to a winter retreat the youth group was having. It was here that God showed me all the things that he has done in my life so far, but also that I have been living a seemingly dull life and he wanted more for me. I prayed to receive Christ and acknowledged that he paid the ultimate price for us. It was then I understood what it means to be in a relationship with God and that Jesus was God, but also human, so that we can know God in a personal way.

It was not shortly after this retreat however that I began my first relationship in high school and I felt God working in my life. This want for a relationship with God soon faded as I was too captivated by the relationship I had here on earth. We did not seek God’s love for us but the love we had for each other. We turned to getting the most out of each other through physical desires. This relationship lasted for a year and a half until my freshman year of college ending to my immediate surprise, sending me into a dark pit of depression and extreme anxiety. Thankfully, the hope of the Lord was always there, and He loved me just as much then as He did the first day, and before my life began. I never had to lean into the Lord like that in all my life, and He helped me with all my fears and struggles of doubt through that time.

As all this was happening freshman year, I got plugged into a Christian organization on campus and was able to further deepen my relationship with the Lord and with others. I was able to learn what it means to be a steward of God, and do things like share the gospel, and care for those around me. The greatest aspect the Lord has taught in the past year is that fellowship with others is so fundamentally important with following him and being joyful in the Lord, for He treasures our hearts and for us to be joyful. I can say that I am redeemed and freed from any past, present, or future sins, and I will delight in the Lord because of that truth.