My story.
Have you ever felt helpless? Alone? Out of control of your own life? Honestly, if you are in college, this is pretty much your daily life. Sometimes, I run through these feelings even before breakfast. For others, that is their whole life. A void that will never be filled, no matter how many people have tried or how many things they try to fill this void with. It always seems to remain just..empty.

Emptiness was my only emotion (if you can really call that an emotion) through most of my high school career. If you would have seen me, you never would have guessed it, though. I would laugh, and have a seemingly good time every day. I was in every single club that was out there and got a long with everyone, but yet, I felt alone and empty. I would go into my room most nights after having a day filled with so many things, and just lay there, my mind a blank space. Most people believe that I was in so many activities because I was good at so many things. They believed that I was just really good at handling the stress, but honestly, I loaded up my plate with stuff to do because it demanded my minds attention, and kept my emotions going, and in check. However, the minute I was by myself, or had a moment of peace, it felt like the strings of my puppet had been cut. It was an immediate crash, and each time I never thought I would get out.

During this time, I met Hunter. This man will forever hold a place in my heart for being the instigator to changing my life for the best it ever has been. To start, you must know that Hunter is one of the most religious people I have ever met in my life. Me, on the other hand, not so much. I wasn’t a bad person; I had all the morals of any good Christian person-I never drank, never smoked, never had sex, and I never swore, but this was all on my own accords. When Hunter and I first started dating, he wanted me to join him in attending the only religious group in our high school, SALT. It wasn’t something I would have gone to on my own, but since we were dating, I thought I would give it a try since you tend to do things you don’t really want to do for the person you are dating. So, I went. At first, I was completely against it, arms crossed and grumbling the entire time, until Hunter got me to read a specific passage of the Bible. I don’t remember the exact one that he made me read, but it was enough to really spark my interest and kept me coming to SALT. After almost of year of dating, he got me to go to youth group with him, and he had me listening to some Christian music (K-Love, highly recommend). At this point, I was mostly starting to play the role of a nondenominational Christian like my boyfriend, but I still didn’t really feel anything, I was still numb. If this God is so great that they are talking about, how can I not feel Him? Why do I feel so empty if they say this awesome deity lives inside of me, moves through my life? Where is He?! It was almost insulting to me that all these people are so happy and say that they have the power of God in their lives, but yet here I am and I am doing exactly what all of them are doing and I still feel numb. I didn’t really understand it. But yet, I still went to youth group with Hunter, I still went to SALT.

He was my leader in what he called my journey with Christ, but I just couldn’t seem to open up my heart to anything that seemed that good. How could it be possible? Then came one night. It had been a very long day, and I was just laying in bed at night. My mind started to wander onto everything; How alone I feel all the time, how no one seems to understand me, how I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing with my life. What if I mess up? What if I really am alone? And then, as I just laid in my bed, crying, I heard the clearest voice ever say in my head “You are not alone.” It was honestly the clearest sound I have ever heard and it hit me harder than anything ever has in my life. I knew in my heart that it was God speaking to me in my greatest time of need, reminding me that being alone is impossible when you have God in your life. He is continually with you, every second, of every hour, of every day, He is along side you in every moment, guiding you through life.

In that moment, I was reminded that if I need to talk, I have someone to talk to. If I need to cry, He is there to listen and comfort me always. If I need strength, He will give it to me. I am never alone. Laying in my bed that night, I sobbed and got down on my knees and prayed to God in thanks. I accepted Him into my life that night as my Lord and Savior, and I have never looked back. I now gladly live my life in Jesus’s name, and try my best to worship Him every day.

Of course, I am not going to sit here and tell you that my life is now perfect. Not by any means is it perfect, but it is easier. Even into college, as life continues to get a little harder every day, I know I don’t have to worry because God already has a plan for me. He knows my life much better than I do, and I trust the plan that He has for my life. You have no idea how great that is to know, especially when it seems like society has all the pressure on you to have your life figured out, and you need to know exactly where you are going. If you trust in God’s plan, you know that no matter what you end up doing, it will be what He wishes for you. A life with God has given me a life of peace, and an outlet to never feel alone again. I still have my episodes now and again, but now I know I will always have an outlet. I have something that I know will fill that void within me. His name is Jesus Christ.