I always have enjoyed being with people and getting to know them. All my life I would run off and talk to people in the church I grew up in and when in public, my mom had to keep a close eye on me. She once had me on a leash when we went to Disney world in fear of me wandering off with someone I don’t know.
I loved people so much that when they started to leave, I got scared and sad. Along with this, I noticed the people around me who were sad and I didn’t want to make it worse. So, as people I knew started to pass away, I started to put up walls hiding how I truly felt. My little sister was sad so I wanted to be there for her. My parents hurt when I hurt. I didn’t like it when they were hurting so I started to hide my emotions and try to be the easy child that they didn’t have to worry about, while at the same time watching out for my younger sister. It seemed easy at first, but as more and more people passed away it got harder. I started to feel disconnected from who I really was and it came to a point that I was even hiding from who I truly was.

When I got to high school, I started to date and it was not good. Things progressed and I took part in sexual acts that started to create a sense of guilt and fear. I couldn’t tell anyone because I was afraid that they would think less of me. I was scared I was going to hurt them and that I had no way out.

I let my mind create a false self that still tries to hide who I am, and how I am truly feeling. When I came to campus, I met up with an upperclassmen who started to point out that I could step away from the relationship I was in. It was the first step that I took for myself and in a direction to learn more about who God is.
As time progressed, I was struggling to break free of the emotional abusive relationship. It came to the point where I could not do it on my own by hiding my pain from others. I began to reach out to others for support and they continually redirected me to God’s love and how following Him would make me strong enough to where I didn’t have to hide who I was from others. I started to learn who I was in Christ, and that God wants me as I am. God called me to come as a broken, filled with pain, and scared person that was used to hiding who she was in thinking she was helping others.

I started to experience God’s love and actually believe that I am a beloved child of God. With this I became more secure in who I am in Christ and that showed in how I lived my life. I started to be more open about my past experiences, and started showing my own emotions and being vulnerable to the point where I was actually being vulnerable with myself at the same time.

In the past couple years God has started to tear down these walls through his teachings and challenging me to not just open up, but to experience the emotions I go through daily and sharing them with those around me. I try to live openly and boldly because of my new-found relationship with God and trusting in Him for who I am.