I was baptized and grew up in an Evangelical Lutheran Church. However, I never truly understood what the word Evangelical entailed. Never did I doubt the truth behind the lyrics of “Jesus Loves Me” or question whether God heard my nightly prayer. I was involved in church choir and my dad taught Sunday school. I was at church three or more times a week. I was considered the classic, goody-goody church girl.

In middle school, I attended confirmation classes. We were taught and then tested on the Old and New Testament, Martin Luther, and the Catechism. We memorized other foundational aspects of the Christian faith such as the Ten Commandments and the Apostles Creed. This provided me with another platform to be perfect. I grew up on the motto that if a job is worth doing, do it well; therefore, through every task, I strived to not only do it well, but to make sure it was done perfectly.

It wasn’t enough to get 100% on an exam, I had to get every extra credit point to truly feel as if I was successful. I was more stressed about my performance rather than the importance of affirming my baptism and confirming my faith. On the day of my confirmation, I proclaimed my faith in front of the congregation with a not-so-memorized bible verse.

With every stumbling word, my hard work didn’t pay off as I had hoped. Because of this humbling moment, I pledged to always recall 1 John 4:16: “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” I soon realized that my faith was not based on works, but instead we should rely on God’s ineffable love that graces us with salvation. Although I knew the meaning of this verse, I seemingly ignored that underlying message of what it means to carry out a life rooted in the good news.

I thought I had control of my life, but as I entered my first year of college in the Fall of 2016, I soon realized that my faith was dependent upon my church community and the day to day actions that I felt were good enough. Church was a stronghold as it provided comfort and security. It wasn’t until I joined the Christian movement Cru that I began to truly experience what it meant to live out an evangelical or gospel-centered life. I began to discover a life that isn’t based on performance, other people’s approval, or perfectionism. God is perfect and I don’t have to be. Therefore, I too surrendered my life to God and gave him control. I became surrounded by a community of God-centered relationships through bible studies, general meetings, and discipleship. Although these wonderful relationships helped me grow in my walk with the Lord, they can’t possibly compare to the life-giving and grace-filled relationship I now have with Jesus Christ. This communion and personal relationship with Jesus is my everything, my vision, my delight. Without Him, my life would be meaningless.