Growing up in a home of two loving Christian Indonesian immigrant parents with a Lutheran background was the norm of my life. I was going through the motions of a Christian, such as being baptized at a very early age, attending church service almost every week, memorizing Scripture, and attending confirmation classes until I got confirmed at the age of 14. I truly felt I had everything under control and through that, I had comfort. After confirmation and middle school, I attended a public high school in my hometown, and I was doing very well in terms of school, the friendships I’ve made, and extracurricular activities. Everything seemed to be going all rainbows and butterflies for me.

However, my relationship with God was not personal, but rather transactional. My faith slowly, but surely started to turn around until I actually met someone in high school who was an Islamic believer. Throughout my conversations with him, I found myself challenged in my beliefs in Christ, and I realized I did not fully address my personal issues growing up. I put my identity in academics, a constant need for perfection both physically and mentally, and approval from my Indonesian parents and extended family. I felt I was living in two worlds at once: my cultural Indonesian life and the environmental American life. Because of these struggles, I thought I brought disappointment to God and my family, and instead of coming to Him, I ran away in shame. Sexual sin, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety took over throughout the latter part of high school and beginning of college, and I felt I was a fraud. Doubt and uncertainty of the future was creeping in. Am I worthy of God’s grace? How would my family view me if I showed my vulnerability with them?

Just before my first college semester at UW Madison in 2020, I stumbled upon a couple of college students handing out flyers and masks (COVID pandemic) for a campus ministry called Cru when exploring the campus. This seemingly small moment, especially since I was not at all back then prioritizing being involved in campus ministry, let alone pursuing my relationship with the Lord, would change my life forever. I’ve started to become vulnerable with others in Cru, and a fire in my heart sparked in wanting to truly know God personally. The more I wanted to learn about God, the more assured I became in His presence. Over the course of my life, I thought that I needed to be as perfect as possible before coming to Christ, and that I was too broken to receive His love and grace. I realized that His love is unconditional and that I am not defined by my broken past. Jesus laid the perfect sacrifice for us on the cross, even amidst the pain and suffering He went through to get there, and I finally understood what Matthew 11:28 says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Now I am finishing up my senior year in college, and I pledge to share His amazing grace and comfort to others who need it for the rest of my life on this earth. My relationship with my family has mended because of His love. Of course, the road is long and narrow for Christ, but I learned that in any circumstance of life, whether it be a high or a low, coming to my Lord and Savior is a life worth living for not just in this world, but for an eternal lifetime. Jesus is indeed my Comforter.