Like many, I was raised in a loving, Christian home. I was baptized in the church as an infant and to me, church on Sunday was just another part of normal life growing up. I grew up hearing the same stories in Sunday School, singing the same songs, and watching Veggietales like many other Christians I was arround. All the lessons I had learned in church stuck with me halfway decently. I figured out how to do church, how to look Christian. I could walk the walk and talk the talk well enough to fool most or at least those I needed to in order continue to get by. I was a good person and I was a Christian, but one didn’t come from the other. I remembered stories from sermons, but I couldn’t find them on my own since I rarely read my Bible. I never bothered to memorize verses, but I could sling some buzzwords and Christian talk as well as I needed to. I remembered the big point and knew that God loved me and Jesus died for me and that my sins were forgiven. That was enough for me.

These were all the things that I knew, but I only knew them in my head. To me, Christianity wasn’t a relationship, it was another thing I could learn. I could give the correct answers, but I didn’t live with true comprehension of the impact of what I’d learned. I was supposed to love Jesus and I felt like I did, but my understanding of what loving Him was shallow and self-serving, concerning my own interests. I had always thought the Pharisees and Sadducees were fools for missing Jesus when he was right there in front of them. They’d memorized the Old Testament and still couldn’t connect the dots. But here I was, fooling myself the exact same way. My head was full, but my heart was empty. I constantly relied on my own understanding, living how I thought was best. I lived full of knowledge of God but lacked the desire to walk in a Spirit-led relationship with Him. I knew God, but I cannot say I loved him in the way that I do now.

My knowledge of the Lord grew in new ways when I came to college. I was blessed with role models who were not only knowledgeable but actually lived out their faith. He wasn’t just a Sunday outing to them, not just a message to be heard. He was a personal God that they engaged with on a relational level. I didn’t know exactly what they had, but it was different from what I did. Their love for Jesus overflowed into love for others as well, including myself. I knew of the Holy Spirit but had never witnessed it like this. Through them, I was shown that a true love for the Lord meant giving up your life, just as He gave His for mine. Initially, that scared me. I’d been living my way for a long time, deciding on my own what was best for me, but I felt that in His infinite wisdom, He would lead my life better than I could. I decided that this type of purpose driven life was something that I wanted. I’ve come to learn from these role models what loving God should really look like in my life. Step by step, I grew (and still grow) in love for the Lord and I have not looked back. Jesus leaves us with the commandment, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). Now not only do I strive to love my God with my mind, but with my heart and my soul as well. I’m not perfect, but I walk in confidence with the only knowledge I need: I am known and loved personally by a God whose love surpasses knowledge, who loves me enough to give His perfect life for mine. A life well lived is one not done my way, but following Jesus as he has called us to.