My origins are not much different than many. I was born and raised in a traditional church in a moderately conservative community in southeastern Wisconsin. I was basically born a Christian, being baptized as an infant and growing up in a private school where me and my seven or eight other classmates would memorize Bible verses every week, attend weekly chapel services, have religion class, receive first communion in 6th grade and complete confirmation in 8th. I attended church every Sunday with my mom and sister and participated in Sunday school,  vacation Bible school, and youth group convention trips and service events. I am extremely grateful for my upbringing and retrospectively find immense value in the foundation that I was brought up on. But, all the while, I experienced an incredible struggle with feelings of worthlessness.

An overarching theme in my life growing up was Comparison. I compared myself to everybody. I compared the music I listened to with others’; I compared likes, interests, tastes, looks; I compared the ways I talked, walked, and dressed with how others did, and even compared my handwriting. It was destructive. I desired to have what I did not have and to be what I was not.

I had a very negative sense of myself. I thought my other deep, inner struggles were unique to me and that I was an unfortunate accident. I couldn’t connect with my friends and always felt as though I were on the outside looking in, without any means to break in. I saw other Christians as obnoxiously perfect people who were blissfully ignorant of what it really meant to “carry your Cross.” And worst of all, I always knew about Heaven, but I could never be certain if I would be permitted in.

However, it was I who was ignorant. I ventured deep into Christian community at UW Madison and the city proper and developed friendships that I never knew I could have and saw what it really means to be a disciple of Jesus. God placed people in my life in wonderfully direct ways who helped me understand that I can be 100% certain that I will live with Jesus for eternity when I die. I met people with whom I share specific struggles who can validate me. God spoke of His unfathomable love for me through these people and through His Word. I am now certain of the futility of Comparison and am so confident in the saving Power of Jesus. God is listening. He truly answered my prayers. God is the Love I’ve been seeking. I’ve realized the value I have in the Eyes of God because Jesus died for me. And He has shown me the crazy amount of Love He has for the world-even people I once resented.