Growing up, I didn’t have the luxury of the internet or any of the social media platforms we use today. Instead, I spent most of my leisure time exploring the creek by my house, doing my chores, or building Lego sets. I did not come from a wealthy background; my dad tirelessly worked two jobs to provide for his family despite the 20 hours of overtime he accumulated at the end of every week. However, we never stopped loving each other when our parents would stop by Piggly Wiggly to purchase groceries for all four of their children. Life was harmonious and peaceful.

Then, around 6th grade, my parents assembled all of us in our cramped little kitchen to tell us they were separating indefinitely. They couldn’t officially divorce because of the strain on our family’s finances if they were to split up officially. Being the oldest, I was torn to pieces because I would never see my parents together the same way ever again. From that day on, my parents grew increasingly bitter towards each other and frequently took their aggression out on us. My father was never physically abusive, but he did have a complicated form of discipline that I will always honor and respect him for. However, my siblings never quite understood the respect I held for my beloved father until he left our family.

Before my father left, my mother pursued relationships with four other men. She had two children with the second man she was involved with. She expected my father to support two children who weren’t even his financially. The hardest part of leaving to pursue college was to see them grow up without a big brother to teach them how to pick up their toys or tell them mom and dad loved them unconditionally. I repeatedly hear Dexter asking me when we’ll all finally live together as a family. I still don’t have an answer for him.

After my senior year of high school, my mother became notorious for leaving for weeks to use drugs and occasionally returning to pick up food that we had to scavenge for ourselves from around the house. I always fed my younger siblings first because I was used to going days without eating. I could have bought them food, but I was worried every day about preparing for college financially. One night, my mom returned home on drugs in search of gas for her vehicle since she was currently unemployed. When I wouldn’t give her gas, she repeatedly diminished my role as a man and threw a metal shovel at me. Physical abuse is one example of the unhealthy ways she would treat the people who truly cared about her.

After the summer ended, I lived with my grandparents after my mother kicked me out. We had to transport all my belongings and Lego sets to my new home away from home. They showed me love and compassion amidst everything going on in our family. When I officially left for college, my grandma burst into tears. She made me promise her that I’d come back during breaks from school because her children and grandchildren decided to remain absent from her life. I gladly assured her that I would always be her grandson no matter what happened.

In college, I attended a campus ministry event and met a welcoming guy named Scott. He shared the gospel with me in a way that seemed different from every time I heard it mentioned in church. Scott described God as a loving father who wants to pursue a relationship with his children. However, we can find ourselves straining that relationship when we refuse to let God help us overcome the things that bring us pain and despair. To be at peace with the trauma of my past, I need to forgive those who wronged me and show them the unconditional love God shows us. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. As I continued to grow in my faith, a guy named Zane reached out to me and showed me how to place my identity in Christ and fully trust in a perfectly faithful God. I put my complete trust in Jesus Christ in my first semester.

After my first year of college, I went on a mission trip to North Myrtle Beach. In South Carolina, I grew my evangelism skills and learned to empathize with people from troubled backgrounds like mine. I also developed strong relationships with several students and staff members from Cru. Sadly, my mother continues to battle crippling drug addiction but is finding help in a church she’s recently been attending. My father and I now have a stronger relationship than ever before. I plan to see him on Christmas when I bring my girlfriend to meet him. My siblings and I remain in touch to this day. Dexter and Channing are growing fast and doing super well in school. Ireland, Zion, and Felicity are growing in their faith and pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ. God has shown me how to forgive others to receive the same forgiveness God promises us in return. I would never have forgiven my mom or dad if it weren’t for God showing me exactly how corrupted we all are as people without the love of God. Over Christmas break, I was able to spend time with my mom and fill her in on the achievements I’ve made in school.

There’s so much God is doing in my life, so reach out to me so I can share with you! Otherwise, I’ll hunt you down and tell you anything and everything. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.