I grew up Catholic and outside of religious education and church, I didn’t really think about God in my life. I went on two summer mission trips in high school, but it was hard to keep that passion for God when school started up again. In high school I met this group of friends growing in their relationship with God. They didn’t judge others for how they looked or what clothes they wore. If there was someone sitting alone at a lunch table, they would invite that person to sit with them. And no matter what they always seemed grounded in God’s love for others.

I was the friend that was there for you. If you needed a napkin, I had extra. If you needed a shoulder to cry on, I had two. But when the pandemic hit, it was like the mountains in my life kept getting higher and higher. I stopped turning in assignments for class. I tried finding comfort in alcohol and drugs. In the midst of trying to impress guys, I lost respect for myself. And I turned away from God.

Freshman year of college, I did not come to campus in one piece. I went to the gym so I would be smaller, not stronger. I looked at food like it was going to hurt me rather than nourish me. I preferred to be alone rather than around people. For a while, I believed God didn’t have a purpose for me anymore. I used to be that friend who could support others when they needed me. But who was I now that I wasn’t in the right place to give that support?

During the fall semester of sophomore year, I started participating in a Christian organization on campus. A couple of the staff members actually caught my friends and I leaving Union South one day when we were smuggling all the Bubblrs we could carry. They mentioned a kind, caring, Christian community. And I thought, that is exactly what I need right now. A community of friends that welcomed everyone and wanted to grow in their relationship with God. I started attending and went to their fall retreat, winter conference, and a winter overnight event. And as each week went by, and the more friends I made, my mountains didn’t seem so high anymore. I shared my struggles with others and discovered I wasn’t alone. It was at the winter conference that year that I surrendered my life to Christ and said yes to a life with Christ. I finally talked to God about how I was feeling instead of holding it in.

The semester after I surrendered my life to Christ, I was with one of my friends and she wasn’t having the best night. She was struggling with clubs and school and she wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing anymore. I told her, “A lot of people aren’t sure of what they’re doing. I’m not even sure what I’m doing half the time.” And she said to me, “But you seem so content. “

And after that night, I kept repeating those words. And I kept repeating those words because I realized she was right. Something changed within me. God changed me. Instead of God being a part of my life, God was the center of my life. Instead of doing things for me, I was now doing things for God. It is through Him that I am learning how to love myself and love others well. Because of Him, I finally felt full and satisfied.