I grew up attending church as early as I can remember. I have two very loving parents who ever from the start, wanted me to have a relationship with God. We would attend church every week and after some time I began to understand who Jesus was and how he paid for my sins by dying on the cross for me. I was taught that being a Christian meant following a set of rules seemingly in order to hold a good reputation or to make our religion known to other people. Having to follow all these criteria seemed like a really big challenge and I just didn’t see the benefit of following them. As I kept going to church I started to become really disinterested in following these rules and I started to question why I was even following them in the first place.

When I entered high school, I really wanted to be popular and I really wanted to succeed academically. I was the class president, NHS president, and Football captain and I really took pride in these accomplishments. During these years I placed my own reputation to be the most important thing in my life that I could control, but what I completely lost sight of was the direction that God wanted for my life. As high school continued, I started to get really worn out of keeping up with the responsibilities that I was getting myself into. I wanted to fit in with my classmates however I could, and there were plenty of opportunities with parties and things like that. I often wouldn’t go because of the fear that I would get caught, which in turn would cause me to lose the reputation I held within my small hometown where everyone knows everything about everyone. This strong sense of identity based on how I was viewed by other people led me to become really burned out by the end of my senior year.

When I started my freshman year at UW-Madison, I was really excited to have a fresh start in a new city where I really didn’t have to worry about having to impress anyone. In my mind, I finally had a place where I could go out and do all the things I thought I was missing out in high school and I was excited to live up to the expectations that came with attending a really big party school. From freshman year through about half of my sophomore year, I was heavily involved in the party scene. I really wanted everyone to like me even if that meant doing some pretty foolish things that made people laugh when I went out on the weekends. I was attracted to the attention I got from what I did each weekend and I didn’t really see a problem with any of my actions.

During this time, my relationship with God was at an all time low. I still trusted in who he was, but in a way I was running from what I knew was right because I was having too much fun chasing my own idea of pleasure and happiness. However, at the end of the fall semester of my sophomore year, I started to feel uncertain about my future and I started to question the friendships I had. In my effort to become popular and surrounded by people who liked me, I found that many relationships I had were very shallow and really only existed when the weekend rolled around. I felt like nothing I was doing was working the way I wanted and I began evaluating where my life was headed if I continued down the path I was on. However, I ultimately decided and acknowledged that there was a change that I needed to make in my life.

During the second semester of my sophomore year, I decided to give my life back to God and let him take control of my identity. I got involved with a bible study on campus and finally learned what it truly means to be a Christian and follower of Jesus. Since then, my life has been completely changed. I learned how my trust and commitment to following God is not based on my reputation but rather in the relationship that I have with him. By letting God carry the burden of my insecurities and doubts, my identity is no longer placed in what other people think of me, but rather in God and how He can use me to reach other people seeking him. Through time spent in Christian community, God has also shown me that obedience is not just something that we “have” to do as Christians, but it is also something that we will want to do as we develop our relationship with Jesus. His intent for us is to experience the Joy that comes with following the plan that he creates for us. He has surrounded me with so many people who truly care about me and push me closer to him. Through God’s sending of his son to die on the cross for my sins, my failures are forgiven and I can trust in Him alone for my satisfaction.