As a child, I went to church every Sunday, small group every Wednesday, and Bible Camp every summer. Whatever Old Testament story that was being discussed, you better believe I already knew it. I knew who God was, and I knew all the stories, but I thought that was it. I thought God was this really cool guy up in the sky that loved me, but also would send me into fire if I didn’t believe in Him. Because of this misunderstanding I had, I didn’t have much of a relationship with Him.

In high school, I defined myself by my accomplishments and the way others saw me. I was the captain of my track and dance team, the drum major in the marching band, and a student council officer, I always got good grades, and I had a ton of great friends. This continued going into college; I was a direct admit to the Business School and I had an older boyfriend who was already in college. But all of that shortly ended.

Coming to college, I was no longer on competitive sports teams, my grades dropped, and I was no longer known by everyone around me. Everything I used to find my identity in was now gone, and I suddenly felt worthless. Even though I wasn’t relying on God for anything in my life, I still felt the audacity to blame Him for these negative feelings… I felt as though He had abandoned me.

In reality, my God never left me. He chased after me using my friend Emily, a girl I randomly sat next to in my Accounting 100 class. During my sophomore year, I started going to Cru, and they were advertising a 4-day conference in Minneapolis over winter break. God was telling me over and over that I needed to go to this, but I didn’t know any girls going. In my head, I made a “deal” with God: I would only go if I had someone to room with. That next week in class, Emily asked me if I was planning on going to the conference. I tried playing it cool and said I wasn’t sure yet, but she told me that if I ended up going, we should room together.

This was where God completely changed my heart. I learned that through Jesus and Jesus alone, I am forgiven. I am able to have a relationship with Him, I am able to receive peace from the Holy Spirit, and that I am seen as a child of God. Because of absolutely nothing I have done or ever will do, but solely because of Jesus dying on the cross, God is fully satisfied with me.

Since then, I have been growing in my relationship with God, learning more about his character, and more about how much he loves me. By no means has my life been perfect, and I still to this day struggle with finding my worth in other people. However, every time I allow myself to believe the lie that I’m not good enough, God finds a way to combat that with the truth, whether that be through the Bible, through another person leading me to God, or through some event that so evidently came from Him. I am longer bound by striving to please people, but am able to truly love them and love myself.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called Children of God. And this is what we are!” – 1 John 3:1