Before I accepted Jesus into my life, everything I did revolved around making myself look better than others. This transpired from me having too much pride while simultaneously dealing with being extremely self-conscious. I was always worried about what others thought of me, and would do anything to try and feel better about myself. However, I always thought of myself as a “good” kid who really didn’t have any major issues.

I came from a Christian household with excellent guidance from my parents and older sisters to “do the right things,” however I had never heard of having a personal relationship with God. My idea of believing in God was that church was enough to go to heaven, no matter what I did during the week. Besides going to church on Sunday mornings, my life revolved around trying to be the best at whatever I could do. I was always striving to perform well academically, do well in sports, make the best jokes (even if it meant demeaning someone else), or anything else that would help me gain acceptance. I put my value in what my friends thought of me and sought worth in how “good” I looked to my family. As I came into college, I was looking to have the best college experience I could obtain. My idea of this was to go to as many parties as I could, meet my dream girl, be successful in school, have a lot of friends, and overall just have a lot of fun. After a couple months of trying to achieve this idea of my dream college experience, I began to realize I hated college. I also started to hate the person I had become, trying to accomplish all these things I had my mind set on. At the same time, my older sister Amy was in a Christian organization on campus called Cru. I attended a lot of the weekly meetings during my first semester of freshman year with my sister, but I ignored everything that Cru was teaching me about God. When the end of the semester came around, Amy tried to convince me to go to TCX, a Cru conference in Minneapolis that over a thousand students from the Midwest attended during their winter breaks. Although I was reluctant, Amy finally convinced me to go to TCX. It was amazing to see so many students so passionate about their faith, something I had never experienced in my life. Over the four-day conference, I felt the joy and love that I was looking for all semester long. On the last day of the conference, I experienced God’s love and grace for the first time. I had never felt so free and at peace with myself and I knew that this was the life I wanted to live, a life fully surrendered to God.

My life since TCX my freshman year hasn’t been the easiest transition from my old life, but it has been a life filled with joy and love. Shortly into my second semester of freshman year, God blessed me with a community that has cared for me in a way that emulates God’s love. This made my walk with God a lot easier, and I started to get more involved in Cru. As I started to get more connected with Cru and my own faith, I made my faith in God my identity, and stopped seeing my value in my friends and family. God has shown me the love and grace that I have always been striving for. What I was looking for in parties, girls, school, or friends was finally found in God. Although I still sometimes struggle with pride, being self-conscious, wanting to party, and striving only to be the best, it is nice to know that God is someone who won’t judge me based on how I look or what actions I make. God forgives me for my actions and I know I can turn to him for full acceptance, as his child.