I have always been someone who likes to have a plan as to how things will work out. My decisions and desires have largely been driven by comfort, familiarity, and a sense of control over my life. Growing up and throughout high school and entering college, this led to a pattern of relying heavily on my own strength and knowledge to get to what I perceived to be success, happiness, and a lifestyle within my comfort zone.
​I was raised in a Christian household and grew up with a head knowledge of who God is. Sunday church was a regular part of my week and nightly prayer was a part of my childhood, but my faith did not stretch beyond that. By the time I got to high school, I had put God on the back burner of my life, subconsciously believing He was there, but thinking I could compartmentalize Him among other priorities. My academics were going well and I was involved in sports and clubs with my close friends. I thought that as long as I could keep it up and be a “good enough” person, I would get through life just fine and have everything under control, leading me down the path to success.
​In the Fall of 2016, I started my freshman year at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and soon became friends with a few girls in my dorm. During move-in week, one of them asked us if we wanted to check out an organization called Badger Cru and join one of their Bible studies. I decided to give it a shot, and went to the first meeting. One of the first things that struck me was seeing hundreds of college-aged students coming together to sing praises and worship to God. As I attended the weekly Bible studies and Cru meetings, I began to learn more about what it means to have a personal relationship with God, that He loves me and that He sent His son Jesus to die to pay the price of my sins. Still, though, for the first two years of college I relied on myself to get through all that college life was throwing at me, including tougher academics, uncertainty about my future, and feelings of loneliness or insecurity. This led to a cycle of feelings of frustration, dissatisfaction, and failure.
​Last year, I started to finally see that these patterns were just not leading me to where I thought I wanted to be, and I felt God telling me to just let go and let Him in. For the first time, I was hit with the full weight of my brokenness, and began to realize just how desperately I needed a Savior. And I finally realized the depth of God’s love in sending His only son, Jesus Christ, to take on the weight of my shame and sin by dying on the cross so that I could live in eternal relationship with my perfect, loving Father. As this message sank into my heart, I knew that I needed God to truly be the center of my life. And to truly make that happen, I needed to surrender my control. The thought of letting go and not having control over my own life and future was not easy, but as I came to know God as my Father who loves me deeply, it became clear that His plans for my life are greater than I could imagine, and because of that, I don’t want to be the one in control of my life. I know that He is always with me and will never abandon me.
​In the past year, I have felt God pulling me into a closer relationship with Him, and calling me to a continual surrender of my plans and desires to Him. I have come to understand that surrendering control to God does not mean that He will take everything away, but that He will work all things together for His perfect plan. I want to walk the path that He has laid out for my life. Even though I am uncertain of what lies in my future, I know that I am surrounded by His love, and I can stand firm in that. And that brings me greater joy and confidence than I could have ever imagined.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” -Proverbs 3:5-6