My entire life I have been surrounded by a Christian community, and my entire life I have struggled with self-acceptance and believing that I am enough. Growing up I believed that I had to measure up to everyone else, in order to do so I had to be skinny, pretty, and when I got a little older, have a boyfriend. It started when I was about nine. I remember standing at the edge of a waterpark and thinking, “I’m too fat to wear a bikini.” This negative body image and feelings of worthlessness because of it continued through high school. After becoming friends with several girls who faced the same problems I did and encouraged me, I began to believe that my body was worth loving no matter what it looked like or how it compared to others. But even though I had this newfound confidence in my appearance, I still felt like I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t have a boyfriend. It seemed like everyone was in a relationship and was happier than I was because of it. If I were good enough, surely someone would want to date me, right?

Freshman year of college I finally started dating a guy and to me it felt perfect. I felt like I was worthy of being loved because a guy actually wanted to date me, and I thought that it was going to be a long-term relationship. It ended abruptly after a month and a half. I felt so unworthy of any love and thought that I had definitely done something or acted in a way that made me not enough for him, and because I wasn’t enough for him, I wasn’t enough for me or anyone else either. I tied all of my worth to what I looked like, acted like, and who was/how many were willing to date me, and when the guy that I tied my confidence to left, my confidence went with him.

It was then that I realized that my relationship with Jesus was nonexistent, and I didn’t know how to include Him in my life and didn’t know how He could help either. Let me tell you that He helps in the craziest ways. Late November of my freshman year, I found out that one of the guys in my friend group was a Christian, and he invited me to go to Cru with him. All I knew about Cru was that it was one of the Christian campus organizations that handed out hundreds upon hundreds of flyers at the beginning of the school year. I went with him one time and immediately I was overwhelmed by the love that I felt in that room. The love that every single person there had for each other and for God, and the love that God had for me no matter what I said, did, or looked like. I broke down and cried. This is what I needed in my life. Not just to love God as I had before, but to let Him come into my life and heal me, help me, and guide me. I wasn’t instantly healed, and life didn’t magically go my way, but a year and a half later I can say that I am convinced that I am enough. I am loved no matter what I look like, what I do, or who I am. My worth does not come from my relationship status. I do not need to compromise my personality or identity to please others. It has taken so much work, but I can’t express enough how worth it it is. To know that God is constantly pursuing a relationship with me, reaching out to hug me and never let me go, is the most powerful and comforting thing in this entire world, and nothing can take that away. Christ literally died for our sins; that’s how much He loves us. I am worthy because He says I am. You are worthy.