Unworthy. Unwanted. Uninvited. Unlovable. Insignificant. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not hard working enough. Not funny, confident, or outgoing enough. Not good enough, period.

These are all things that I believed of myself before I fully embraced the love of Christ.

Growing up, though I was surrounded by so many friends and family, I always felt out-of-place, insecure, and lonely. I just couldn’t seem to figure out who I was, or where I belonged, if at all.

I was raised in a loving, Christian household and went to Church (almost) every Sunday. Though, because we bounced from church to church, I never really felt like I had a “home church” or a youth group where I didn’t feel like a complete outsider. Regardless, I accepted Christ as my Savior at a young age. However, I centered my relationship with the Lord around doing the “Christian things” such as going to church, Bible camp, and praying when things got tough. I even looked at doing these things as the way to get approval from God. The further into high school I got, the more I struggled with my self worth and started looking for it in my academics, relationships with friends and family, and by judging and putting down others.

I brought this baggage with me to college and soon found that at a school like UW-Madison, I was just an average Jane. Being away from my friends and family was a very difficult thing for me and I never felt so alone, though I had made a number of new friends in my dorm and classes. The little self-esteem I came in with started slowly disappearing with each day and I soon fell into a depression. I was constantly asking the Lord what was wrong with me and why I couldn’t meet anyone’s expectations. Eventually, I stopped caring about my grades and my friendships as none of them seemed to matter at all anymore. I was drowning and didn’t think I would ever come back up for air. He never left me in this period of darkness and instead placed some pretty amazing people from Cru in my life who loved and embraced me and all of my brokenness. These friendships were impactful and so much more special for me because they love like Christ does, they love because Christ loves.

Ironically, I had to learn that, on my own, I’m not enough, nor will I ever be. That’s okay though, because Jesus was and that is why He was sent down. He took all of my sin, unworthiness, and imperfection up on that cross with Him and died for me. He died so that I could go to God in all my brokenness and have a real, personal relationship with Him. I realized that the Lord is always there with open arms and there isn’t a single thing I could do that would make Him love me any less; I just have to continue to place my faith in Him.

The Lord continues to put people in my life who remind me of the redemption that I find in Jesus. Last spring, He led me to the incredible opportunity of going to New York City and sharing the love of Christ with other college students. God knew that it was just what I needed at that time and I will forever treasure those experiences and the friendships that grew there.

I also got a tattoo last spring, a small cross on my wrist, to use as a daily reminder of the identity I have in Christ. I still have days where I struggle with insecurity and loneliness, but I just have to look down to be reminded that because of Jesus and all that He has done, I am worthy. I am wanted. I am invited. I am loved. I am significant. I am smart enough. I am pretty enough. I am hard working enough. I am funny, confident, and outgoing enough.

I am a Child of God, and therefore… I. Am. Enough.