Throughout most of my life, I’ve done things for myself. I wanted to be in charge of every part of my life. I wanted to call the shots. As long as I can remember, I’ve gone to church and youth group. However, I wasn’t living fully for God, I was simply doing things for myself. I took great pride in being different from everyone. I didn’t drink, I didn’t swear, I cared a lot about school, I listened to strange music, but all of these things just served to make me feel superior to others, not to honor God. Looking back on myself honestly, I judged others often and was very prideful.

I wasn’t a “Christian” so that I could be a light to the world and proclaim Jesus’ name. I was a “Christian” so that I could appear better than everyone else. This mindset made me unwilling to give up worldly pleasures since I figured I deserved them through my own hard work. If I was the one who earned the money I had, why would I give any of it away? I just finished all my homework, why shouldn’t I spend the next four hours binge-watching YouTube videos? In high school, I was almost entirely unwilling to make social sacrifices in God’s name. I would conform to the ways of the world and say what people wanted to hear. If you ask any of my high school friends today, none of them would probably say “Oh yeah, that Luke guy was a really solid Christian”.  I lived life for my own gain and was not willing to give up control of my life to anyone or anything.

Fast-forward to my freshmen year of college — I was doing well in school and everything seemed to be going well. However, that all changed in the blink of an eye. Near the end of my freshmen year, I had a conversation that changed my life.  A close friend told me point-blank that I loved myself more anything else; selfishness consumed me and was hurting those around me. As you might imagine, these words hit hard. They hit hard because I knew deep down that they were true. I was horribly selfish, and my selfishness enslaved me in all that I did. I didn’t seem to care much about others. All I seemed to care about was myself. It was at this point, for the first time in my life, that I hated myself. I realized that I did everything I could to lift myself up, regardless of the repercussions it had for others. I hated who I was. I came to fully understand (not just intellectually agree) that I was a sinful person, separated from God and deserving of death. God used this tumultuous situation to fully bring to the light how broken and selfish I was. The following months were very hard. I wanted to change who I was and truly put my identity in Christ for the first time. I was willing to give up my old life and pursue a new one.

Getting to know Jesus personally through a relationship has been a life-changing journey. Reshaping my identity has not been a quick or easy process. There are still trials, challenges, and setbacks. Learning that Jesus has forgiven me for my sins, past and present, has brought great relief to the self-hatred that had built up. Despite living most of my life for myself, Jesus graciously provides me a second chance. Most of my relationships feel different, fresh, invigorated. I’m called to love and serve others with a joyful heart (John 13:16). Never have I felt so satisfied and fulfilled. Putting my identity in Jesus, rather than myself, has redefined the way I live my life. No longer am I a slave to my own selfish desires. Jesus died for me so that I can become a child of God. There is no greater joy!

Here is one verse (of many) that has helped me learn just how incredible God’s grace is:
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” – Romans 8:1