When I was young my parents decided they wanted to get a divorce. I was placed in my mom’s care at age 2. From then on, I spent the younger years of my life in the care of my grandparents. My mom, though she tried hard to be a part of my life, had to work long days. So, from an early age I experienced a lot of loneliness. I also had an anger problem and severe trust issues because I was angry at everything even though I wouldn’t have known a way to explain it to anyone. This continued into my grade school age and I had a very hard time very hard time making friends due to those and a few other things like being picked on constantly for being overweight. The only thing I knew how to do in response was to be mean back and win the swearing match that I ended up in or the fights I’d have to defend myself against. When I was in third or fourth grade I had finally found one or two good friends who were good influences but a lot of people who would put up with me, but they didn’t care about me. They convinced me to do not very good things, even though I had those few good friends encouraging me not to. I knew it was wrong and I never really liked it, but I had people to be around, so it was better in my mind than where I was before and though I attended church I didn’t have interest at all in what they were saying.

My life continued like this for a long time. A change happened my mom remarried, and we moved 7 hours away. I went right back into the same habits but with a new equally as “bad” of a crowd. This time however, I had someone in my life to point out the things I was doing as wrong. I finally had someone to model what a man of God is supposed to look like. My step-dad called me out on the way I lived life and told me about a better way I could live. One that was more satisfying and worthwhile. It was something I had wanted all along, a chance to be loved and to have someone I could trust completely. My step-dad and my mom told me about Christ and how he died for me to save me and then rose again to defeat death and repair me with God. Because of this I could have an intimate and personal relationship with my creator. I loved this and fully committed my life to following Jesus and admitted my sins and that only He could cleanse me and fix my broken relationship.

After this I wanted to change a lot of things about myself. So, I tried to switch things up ultimately ending up seeking out different people who were more positive of an influence on me. I again had trouble making friends and really trusting people again but this time I was less lonely and trusted that God would provide people who would be a big part of my life. He did and just in time.

A year or two after I made a close friend I experienced a tragedy that I almost didn’t come back from. My step-dad, the person who I looked up to most and the person that God had finally provided me with so that I could have a father that cared, had a stage 4 brain aneurysm. He was brought into surgery and it lasted about 13 hours. They gave him a 2.3% chance to make it through the first 3 hours and if he made it past that he would have a whole 4% chance of making it past 3 days. This absolutely crushed me. I was angry at my step-dad and at God. I sank into a deep depression. I thought God was taking away one of the only good things I ever had in my life. The pain was so hard for me that for a long time I had thought that if my dad died that I no longer wanted to be in this stupid life either and became pretty depressed. I had lost the trust in God that I had valued so much. Through the 5 months of ICU care, a ridiculous amount of debt and complete brokenness I held on only because of the friend that God had provided. Even though I honestly didn’t want to, my friend helped me begin to trust God again. Through more miracles than I can count my dad lived through the low percent experience and made a full recovery. Through it I learned of God’s faithfulness, and that even though I was done with God, he wasn’t going to let me go. I worked through a lot of depression and anger again and I grew closer to God than ever before. Seeing how he worked through the prayers of all our loved ones was incredible and taught me a lot about what a relationship with God was like. I again placed my trust in God and this time for good. Over these last couple of years, I have grown closer to God through college reflecting how God has worked in my life and used me to help others by leading in ways I never expected to. A lot of the problems I once had have become scarcer and when I do accidently fall into old habits I know I have the forgiveness of God and the strength that he gives to overcome them and grow closer to him. My life has taught me the faithfulness of God and that He really is the only thing that can fill the loneliness I felt. My service to him is in response to this gratefulness I have for Jesus saving me and God adopting me into his heavenly family to be used to spread His name and help others experience the best relationship I could ever imagine.