Ever since I was a kid, I was a perfectionist, whether that be in school, arts and crafts, or following the rules. Perfectionism ruled my life and caused me a lot of stress as I felt it a necessity to do everything perfectly. During my sophomore year of high school, I hit my first rough patch of disappointment. I was put on the freshman volleyball team as a sophomore, and felt ashamed. I wasn’t able to get straight A’s, and I also struggled in friendships. I lived behind a forced smile to hide my brokenness inside. People thought I had my life all put together, but in reality, I was hopeless and depressed. I strove to keep a reputation as the happy girl who lived a perfect life but my failure was overwhelming me. I was bitter towards God for the struggles I went through and thought that my suffering had no purpose.

Junior year, I switched from volleyball to cross country, which was the best decision of my life. I met amazing, encouraging, caring teammates, and began to fall in love with the sport. I realized that if I hadn’t failed in volleyball the year before, I would have never joined the cross country team. I understood that God actually did have a plan for my life and that He used all of the hard things from the year before to teach me valuable lessons. Because of this, I began to put my trust in God’s plan for me and truly believed that everything happens for a reason. I knew that God was good from growing up going to church, but I finally began to discover that His will is better than my own and I began to desire a personal relationship with Him.

Upon coming to college, I decided to walk on to the UW rowing team, which ended up being the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The strenuous workouts and intense schedule caused a lot of stress in my life. On top of that, I struggled with asthma attacks that became increasingly more frequent. They were painful and scary because I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. It became difficult to put myself back on a rowing machine knowing that I would have another attack. I also knew my times were nowhere close to what they needed to be to actually compete in a race, so training seemed pointless. However, through all of this, I remembered to keep my trust in God’s will and I completed the season. I was thankful for my high school hardships because now I had God to give me strength and hope.

Rowing was much harder than what I went through in high school, but one thing that had changed was that I trusted God. I knew God had a purpose in this hardship, and I knew I was on the team for a reason, even though I wouldn’t race. Because of Him, I was able to find the silver lining every day and appreciate each practice no matter how challenging it was since I would never get that experience back. I recognize that I could not have made it through that season if I didn’t have the hope that God gave me. He gave me peace and joy through it all. Then, when summer hit, and I had a lot of regret. I didn’t know why I had stuck with rowing despite all of the pain. I still don’t fully understand why I was determined to finish the season. But, whether it was the right decision or not, God used that experience to shape who I am today and I am so thankful. I love being able to run every day and God helped me overcome my breathing problems. I made close friendships with people I would’ve never met. Rowing was a once in a lifetime experience, and God provided by letting me be an alternate and row in a regatta.

This summer, I will be going on the Boston Project which is a 3-week mission for current or past college athletes. I am looking forward to training with other Christian athletes and sharing the Gospel and my athletic experience with others. I’ve seen God’s hand in my story from the beginning: I wouldn’t be going on the Boston Project if I didn’t row, I wouldn’t have rowed if I didn’t join cross country, and I wouldn’t have joined cross country if I didn’t make the freshman volleyball team. Because of this, I am forever thankful for a seemingly pointless disappointment.

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)