Growing up I placed a lot of my identity in sports, doing well in school, friendships, and acceptance from others. I grew up in a Christian home and I accepted Christ at a young age, however, I did not understand that I could have a personal relationship with God until middle school. I went on a youth summer mission trip with my church and for the first time, in a room filled with people so in love with God, I could feel how real and personal God really was. Through high school I continued going on mission trips, going to church, and got confirmed, but I still had doubts. I had questions that I was afraid to ask and didn’t know who to ask. I knew that God was working in my life, yet I wasn’t living out my faith intentionally. I continued to seek fulfillment in sports, school, and through the acceptance of others.

As I graduated from high school and started my freshman year at UW-Madison, I began to feel more lost. I had lost the part of my identity that I had placed in sports my whole life and had moved away from many friends. This, along with additional transitional stress, quickly led to getting involved in the party scene as an attempt to fill my emptiness and to get acceptance from others. I thought that the stereotypical “college experience” was just an expectation and that it was the best way to make friends and to gain acceptance. While this was happening, I also unexpectedly got involved in a Christin org on campus called Cru. I went to a volleyball tournament the first week on campus where I filled out a survey and was later contacted by a senior woman, Ashley Collar, who invited me to the freshman bible study that she led. I began going to bible study and weekly Cru meetings. I fully understood the gospel for the first time. That Jesus, out of love, died for my sins and that I am completely forgiven because of it. There is nothing that I can do to make Him love me any more or less. Slowly, a lot of my doubts and questions about God were answered.

I started seeking God more as the year went on, but I continued to live life my own way, by my own rules. I went to go Cru and bible study, but I also continued to act in ways that did not glorify God and I would consciously sin because I was trying to seek fulfillment from worldly desires. This always left me with feelings of guilt. I never fully surrendered everything that I was to God until the following year on August 31st, 2018. The day before, I had been partying and acting in ways that didn’t even feel like myself anymore. I didn’t know who I was. I was constantly trying to please myself and others for fulfillment. I was so busy acting like someone else, that I had lost myself. In prayer with God, I admitted every raw detail of sin and shame I was carrying at the time and asked for help. I asked that He take control of my life and make me into the person that He wants me to be. I told Him that I wanted to follow his path for my life and not the one that I was leading myself on. This was a turning point for me and my relationship with God that I will never regret.

I remember one Cru meeting my freshman year when we were singing the song “Christ Is Enough” by Hillsong Worship, and I had to stop singing because I didn’t believe it. I never believed that Christ could ever be enough for me. Until He was. Until I completely surrendered myself to Him and started chasing after Him. After fully surrendering myself to Christ, I have become more fulfilled over time. A lot of the pressure I felt from trying to live up to expectations has been relieved because I have put my trust in Him. I am accepted and fully known by Jesus Christ, who has shown me a love that is far beyond any other. My identity in Christ has given me the freedom to be myself instead of acting unnaturally in an attempt to earn the approval of others. While I do still have struggles, I have found it easier to turn more toward God and less towards sin. He has put an amazing community of life-giving friends and people into my life that I will forever be grateful for. He has proved to me that it is okay to stay true to who I am because everyone is made in his image. And it’s a beautiful image.