My life revolved around my friends, sports, what people thought of me and just whatever seemed fun at the time. My security was in having people like me. This lead me to be a people pleaser. Putting my identity in what others thought of me continued my Freshman year of College. I dove into the typical college scene of partying, drinking, and sexual sin. Those were the things that seemed fun at the time. I was also struggling with a secret addiction to pornography. I was quite surprised when my actions lead to feelings of being unsatisfied and even shame over many of my choices. I found that it was hard when I began to drift from my friends when I became less interested in the party scene. Halfway through my freshman year when I realized that although I was doing whatever seemed the most fun at the time and acting fine, inwardly I was the least happy I’d ever been in my life. This also confused me. I felt at rock bottom.

I didn’t understand why I felt I was at rock bottom. It didn’t add up in my mind that I should be unhappy when I was doing all the things the world told me would make me happy. I prayed to God for the first time in a long time. I told God that I believed He existed, and just needed a change, that what I was doing wasn’t working. I asked him to bring new people into my life. Eventually I gained the courage to begin sporadically attending a Christian ministry on campus. I found that the guys who attended were just like me- they loved sports and having fun, but the difference was that their lives reflected their faith in Jesus. These guys seemed to care about me more than my party friends did. An upperclassman guy from this ministry met up with me and explained to me that God wanted to know me personally and that God had a good plan for my life. I realized that I had never considered God’s plan for my life or that faith would have any positive implications for day to day living. How I had been living obviously was not working, so I made the decision to give God’s plan a try.

As I began to get to know God more by reading the Bible for the first time and praying I was amazed by how relevant the Bible seemed to be to my day to day living. Over time I began placing my identity in who God says I am, not what others thought. I also found that I was more joyful then at any other point in my life and I had a purpose in life beyond doing whatever seemed most fun at the moment. Now I am motivated differently because I realize now that God loves me enough to send Jesus to die for my wrong-doings. He wants a personal relationship with me, He has a plan for my day to day life as well as a desire for me to share with others what He showed me.