Growing up, my life revolved around friends, sports, school, and the never-ending desire to be “popular.” I wanted to be considered popular and accepted, so I only hung out with people that would bring me that status, even if I didn’t enjoy spending time with them. I gave into peer pressure constantly, and stopped being myself completely when I was at school, as in, I put up a façade that I knew people would like. This incorporated jokes that put other people down, and daring attitudes to my teachers and other elders. A big struggle I have had since I was young has been my lack of self-acceptance and high levels of self-consciousness. I was bullied for being overweight in my younger years, and that left lasting scars. I was constantly wondering if I was funny enough, smart enough, worthy enough or good-looking enough to be in a relationship, and that is something with which I still continue to struggle.

Because finding my worth in a relationship was an idol for me, I engaged in very unhealthy, boundary-less relationships in every aspect. I had been in a relationship for over a year and a half going into my freshman year of college, and because of my thirst for popularity, I thought the life I wanted to live was one of sex, drugs, and alcohol. Because of this, the relationship soon ended. I immediately fell into a deep, dark depression stage, where I developed an unhealthy dependence on people, alcohol, drugs, and sexual sin.

It was then that God came to the rescue, through some amazing people from Cru that I met named Ella and Everett Schroeder. Second semester last year, I began attending their Bible study at Edgewood College, and began meeting one on one with Everett, who taught me a lot of the basics of Christianity. Slowly but surely, in the midst of my brokenness and struggles, my heart began to soften towards the message of love of Jesus Christ; the Gospel. At a Cru conference over spring break last year, I finally realized that it was time for me to let go off the past, accept Jesus into my life, and turn it all around. That was the best thing that could have happened to me. I finally understood that I am so loved by Christ, that He died on the cross for me just so I could have a personal relationship with God. This held true, even through my struggle and awful sin. He was always there for me, even when I was rejecting Him, and pushing Him away. He wanted me to have a better life, even though I did not deserve it. I did have a hard time letting go off my sinful habits, and at points I questioned God’s power and will for my life. It was a hard battle against myself, but I quickly learned that Jesus had already won it for me. I could not do it without Him.

Since then, my life has completely turned around. I began sharing the Gospel with the same friends with whom I used to take drugs, I stopped drinking, and I stopped seeking after unhealthy relationships. It has not been easy, though. I still wrestle with the memories of my past and the shame of my sin daily, but the Holy Spirit constantly reminds me that my chains have been broken, and I have been freed from sin, and most importantly, forgiven. I finally embraced the fact that God loves me exactly the way I am, for who I really am. I no longer have to worry about being well known and accepted by others because I am fully accepted in Christ. I am His beloved son, and He rejoices in me!