Growing up, the one thing I wanted more than anything was the approval of others. I wanted to be liked by everyone and to do that I thought I had to do well in school and be good at the sports I played. I quickly learned to place my identity in what other people thought of me. I did my best to get straight As in school because I would feel inadequate if I got a B or lower.I went to every practice trying to be better than the day before because I needed to hear that my coaches and teammates thought I was good enough. So when I went into my junior year of basketball and my coach didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear, I would get down on myself and continue to believe that I wasn’t living up to what people wanted. I let myself start to believe that I truly wasn’t good enough to play basketball or for my team and that maybe they didn’t think I was that good either. Because I was placing my identity in people, sports, and school, I started to believe that I wasn’t smart enough, or popular enough, or pretty enough, or nice enough. Not being good enough for basketball snowballed into every aspect of my life for years.

When I got to college it was the same thing, I wanted to be liked but believed I wasn’t good enough. Second semester of freshman year, I joined Cru. Within Cru I started going to a bible study in my dorm where I met some new friends and learned more about God throughout the semester. During a retreat for Cru, I realized that I felt like I was unworthy of knowing God and experiencing his love and grace for me. That semester I also failed a class. This just reinforced the idea that I was never going to be good enough for anyone or anything. I continued to believe this lie and told no one how much I truly struggled with believing I wasn’t good enough. My sophomore year I went to Cru and started meeting with someone one on one for discipleship. Together, we dug deeper into God’s word and I was able to learn more about who God is. We met up every week and she showed me how loved I really was by putting in so much time and effort into each meeting. She taught me that I can forgive myself and others because God already forgave me. I was able to learn that I don’t have to prove myself and that I am enough because God is enough, and so much more. I was able to better understand that because God loves me, he sent his perfect Son Jesus to die in my place so that I could experience true freedom and forgiveness. I now know that God sees his perfect son when he looks at me because I trust in Jesus. I learned that God is enough and because of that I don’t have to strive to be enough. I am already perfect and worthy in the eyes of God because of Jesus. Through the love and support of my discipler, my family, and my friends I saw God’s love for me, because if they could love me through my imperfections then God, who created me in His perfect image, can love me through them too.

When I realized that God’s love for me was unconditional, I was then able to work through the lies of not being good enough. I was able to dig into His Word and start believing the truths about how I am chosen and I am God’s special possession. (1 Peter 2:9) This doesn’t mean that I don’t still struggle in believing the truth. I am still sinful and find myself believing the lies and seeking the approval of others. But everyday I choose to put my identity in Christ, not in school or sports or people. I choose to believe the truths God has written in the bible.